Here I am, struggling to write this blog post today, because I have (self-diagnosed) sun poisoning.
It feels unfortunately ironic. I am a born and raised Floridian, a legitimate, native, barrier-islander. Yet, for the first time, I’m sick from a burn, my face bubbling in blisters right before my eyes.
To spare you further details, I look like one of the glaring red lobsters from the tank of my childhood local grocery store where I had desperately pleaded with my parents to save them from their impending doom. Or the shriveled version of SpongeBob SquarePants after he had stayed in Patrick’s make-shift rock tanning bed far too long in the episode, “Sun Bleached.”
Having not practiced my instrument today, I wondered if I actually had sun poisoning, or if I was just creating excuses to be lazy. That query was then put on hold as I fell asleep, slumping into an afternoon nap the minute I turned in a lab for a summer class.
Burn out feels a lot like a really bad sunburn. Many performing artists will sit and debate with themselves, “Am I burnt out or just lazy?”
The stages of a sunburn remind me significantly of the stages of burnout.
According to the Mayo Clinic, burnout is “a state of physical or emotional exhaustion that also involves a sense of reduced accomplishment and loss of personal identity.” Let’s break it down.
The Honeymoon Stage
First, we have the honeymoon stage. Here, we have no sunburn. We are cavorting with the sunshine and enjoying the day. In the performing arts world, we feel exceptionally excited about our work and are extremely determined to achieve our goals. So, we start overworking. We start to overbake for a bit too long in the sun- and we don’t reapply any sunscreen.
So dedicated to our performing arts lives, we stop taking good care of ourselves. It might start out with just one late night, but then morph into endless nights, over-caffeination, lack of proper meals, ignored self-care, etc.
Fatigue
Then, the fatigue really hits. We get home from that beach day and we fall asleep two seconds after we decide to “rest our eyes.” The dehydration and raised internal body temperature lull our bodies into a deep sleep, until suddenly, we wake up the next morning and our soft bed sheets now feel like pins and needles wreaking havoc on our poor bodies.
We feel less productive in our practice, finding ourselves taking more breaks or scrolling through our Instagram feed way more often than usual.
Swelling
At first, the red swelling on your arms looks like it might not be that bad. You apply some of that sticky aloe that has been sitting in the cabinet under your sink- a few years too many- and hope for the best. However, within hours, it gets much, much worse.
When performing artists begin to feel burnout, initially they might feel if they push through, it won’t be that bad. If we keep forcing ourselves to rehearse/practice, albeit very unproductively, it might subside. Yet, pushing usually just makes you hit the peak of your burnout faster.
So then you realize you have to accept it. Now what?
Your first step into the shower again will feel terrible, the water acting like deceitful bullets or a multitude of bee stings. Going out into the sun will feel like a war on your skin. In the same way, your first step into the spotlight or the practice room again will be hard. It might- it probably- will sting or burn. You won’t be able to perform at your best for very long before more fatigue kicks in.
Yet, no one is asking you to sprint face first into that wall. This certainly is not Platform 9 ¾- or it is, but you are a muggle (sorry to break it to you).
Go slow- ease yourself in. Draw a cool bath first if you need to, rather than hopping into that hot shower with the viciously high water pressure.
Instead of a full blown practice session, start out slow and remind yourself why you are passionate about the performing arts in the first place.
Listen to some solid tunes, and I am not talking about your repertoire playlist. Don’t just listen to your performance music. Change it up. If you only ever listen to classical music, branch out and listen to some pop, bluegrass, indie, medieval folk rock… anything different. Get uncomfortable, it truly does lead to growth.
A fresh perspective can do wonders. Don’t rehearse in your “favorite” practice room. Go sign up to rehearse in a random classroom. Go do your work in a different location. If you always study at the SMTD lounge, go study at a coffee shop. Things are finally starting to open back up- the Starbucks on State Street has seating open again! Vaccines are available… and masks are not mandated in many locations for fully vaccinated people.
Next, try to surround yourself with positive energetic people, who have a ridiculous amount of momentum in their work. Honestly though, I recommend that to not be another performing artist if you are similar to me. After years of self-denial, I will admit I have a slight jealousy complex and a definitely competitive nature. So, go find some people to chat with outside of the performing arts world, and don’t compare your progress with other performing artists. Since, more likely than not, they could also be facing some level of burnout but just be faking it till they make it (which could be another tactic for you to try in that rehearsal space- trick your brain and pretend you really want to be there).
Most importantly however, have patience with yourself! Would you get mad at yourself if you really had to pee? No. You would go to the bathroom. Hopefully. Or at least find a bush- I don’t know, whatever your preferences are.
My point is, you wouldn’t blame yourself for performing a basic human function, so don’t shame yourself for getting burned out when you are HUMAN. It is absolutely normal and you shouldn’t feel guilty about fulfilling your needs.
Sometimes it can feel embarrassing as a performing artist to admit to yourself that you have become burned out. When your whole identity at times feels like being a performer, being too exhausted to perform, practice, rehearse… is scary. Burn out doesn’t need to be a taboo topic, especially if it is as normal as using the bathroom. Not my best analogy, but we are running with it.
The Itch
Okay, so you have finally made it to the point in your sunburn where it doesn’t hurt anymore, but your body looks to be covered in the “forbidden parmesan”. The peeling process.
You feel an itch to go do work again. Start slow and prioritize if you have too much on your plate.
Let your skin finish peeling. Bathe in the glory of painless skin and maybe a golden sheen.
Perform again. Do what you know best. Not to be cliche but believe in yourself and give yourself credit- many people would never be able to do what you do on a daily basis.
Back to our opening question then, how do you tell if it is burnout?
If you are creating excuses to procrastinate work (been there done that), a lot of people would call that laziness. However, what about those of us who are actually burnt out but are just sociologically conditioned to call ourselves lazy?
The key is exhaustion and disconnection. Feeling so exhausted, that the idea of doing just a small part of what you once liked is too much. You have a disconnect with your work and you don’t get that same feeling from it anymore, which makes you question your identity.
If what you are calling “laziness” is associated with guilt, you are also probably a burnt out performing artist like myself. You would not be questioning your entire identity or passion for performing arts if it was just laziness. Trust me.
Sometimes burnout is frightening- I get that. Defining it as laziness can be a scapegoat. Sometimes blaming ourselves feels easier than actually being patient with ourselves- crazy to admit, I know.
To sum up, the 12 stages of burnout according to Herbet Freudenberger are:
- Compulsion to prove oneself (excessive ambition)
- Working harder
- Neglecting own needs
- Displacement of conflicts and needs
- No longer any time for non-work-related needs
- Increasing denial of the problem, decreasing flexibility of thought/behavior
- Withdrawal, lack of direction, cynicism
- Behavioral changes/psychological reactions
- Depersonalization: loss of contact with self and own needs
- Inner emptiness, anxiety, addictive behavior
- Increasing feeling of meaninglessness and lack of interest
- Physical exhaustion that can be life-threatening
Identify the signs, have patience with yourself, and I guarantee your burn will fade eventually.
References:
Burnout, Fatigue, and Overuse in Performing Artists: SciTech Connect. Elsevier SciTechConnect. (n.d.). http://scitechconnect.elsevier.com/burnout-fatigue-and-overuse-in-performing-artists/.
Fraga, J. (2019, May 18). How to Identify and Prevent Burnout. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/tips-for-identifying-and-preventing-burnout#takeaway.
Kaschka, W. P., Korczak, D., & Broich, K. (2011, November). Burnout: a fashionable diagnosis. Deutsches Arzteblatt international. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3230825/.
Oppong, T. (2017, August 13). The only time you are actually growing is when you’re uncomfortable. CNBC. https://www.cnbc.com/2017/08/11/the-only-time-you-are-actually-growing-is-when-youre-uncomfortable.html.Stages of Burnout. bntstages. (n.d.). https://www.winona.edu/stress/bntstages.htm.
Performing well 